An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and
ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you
think.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman
is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12
beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal
tea.
The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a
man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended
young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with
older men.
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without
looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not
true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible
shoes.
An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always
already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia
about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is
another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are
an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing,
just in case it means you might break up with her.
An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the
two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you
will probably be the last to know...
Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you
when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you!
Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you
up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the
phone, for you to call...
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut
Take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger
woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get
any ideas...
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an
affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they
have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't
wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of
a strip-tease.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal.
Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody
that they might possibly boff later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match
with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12
beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time
to grasp this fact.
An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want
to screw you too.
An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go
on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her
youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
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