What I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion,
not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned - that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are
more fucked up than you think.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to sleep with the person I
want.

I've learned you should always leave loved ones with loving words.  You
may need to borrow money.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or you will be offered
medication.

I've learned that money is a great substitute for character.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything except see
"Everest" at the museum of science.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're
down will be the ones who do.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry and I have PMS, God help all
in my vicinity.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, until you get your
stuff back in the mail with no note.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
them to doesn't mean you can't take advantage of them when they're passed
out and naked in your bed.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you.  Unless, of
course, you win the lottery.

I've learned that no matter how good a guy is, he'll eventually revert.

I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken, therapy is
still expensive.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for all lost or stolen articles while 
on the premises.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their
dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that two people can screw the exact same person and compare
notes.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they
will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a
matter of hours.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a
friend cries out to you, you will find the door.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned To say "Fuck them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

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