1. You're a Bitch
2. When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get pissed off
when you are believed
3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening
5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can
have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because
he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was
wondering if you would like to visit your parents with me if you are
not busy this weekend." When you mean it means a great deal to me for
you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!"
6. Whine
7. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep,
it's because he is lazy
8. No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend
9. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you
10. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you
11. Complain
12. Hate any bar that he likes
13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything...except when paying for
meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. ... these are
required gifts proving his love
14. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your
cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress in your life
(also, see number 7)
15. Remember that ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be
labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately
to spread this as quick as possible
16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything
other than catering to your needs
17. Break into tears for no apparent reason, then use number 2
18. Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given
19. Insert yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with
him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month
just to rub it in.
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