The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to
SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and
or name you can't remember).
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big
guy named Abdul.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
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