NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Peanut-Head and crappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John
will each throw in $20, even though it's only for
$32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and
none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, a
comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the
typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but
when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful woman is one who Can find
such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a
book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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