-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 over and over and over again
-If you are multiple personality, touch 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8
-If you are hysterical, don't touch any buttons whatsoever, something
terrible might happen
-If you are bipolar, touch 1, then 9
-If you are schizophrenic, don't touch any buttons, a little voice will
tell you what to do
-If you are a paranoid, there is no need to touch any buttons, we know who
you are, we know where you live, and we will be coming to get you very soon
-If you are a psychopath, rip the cord out of the wall, and run away with
the phone
-If you are an anal-retentive psychopath, take the phone apart. Place
each piece in a plastic bag. Tape each plastic bag tightly shut. Place
all the plastic bags into a large, brown paper bag, which you then place
in the southeast corner of your freezer.
-If you are depressed, do no touch any buttons, it wouldn't do any good
anyway
-If you are manic, touch as many buttons as you can as fast as possible
-If you are a narcissist, touch yourself
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